Slut

Felt like a slut today. I’ve been trying to fill this hollow feeling with something that I already knew won't make my life more meaningful. I guess I never learned.

I used to be the prim and proper type until I was crestfallen by this thing called love. I was so goody goody he left me. Tried the other route and yet they took me for granted. I don’t know the middle ground. I don’t know when to say yes and when to say no. I can’t tell what’s too hot and what’s too cool. I don’t know when to be reserved and when to be aggressive. I’m old enough yet so stumped and powerless. I hate this mind/love game.

And I don’t know what is more pathetic. Giving in to someone you like even if you knew all along your feelings are unreciprocated. Or just doing it because you are so bored to death, just seeking for a cheap thrill. You used to be truly hurt when he immediately leaves after using you. Now, you shoo him away after the deed and feel totally indifferent about the whole thing.

I feel apathetic about what just happened. But how come I feel like I’m a tramp? I suppose my friend was right all along: At the end of the day, you’ll still feel empty and alone.

Tell me how to end this game … please.